Communication book for separated parents: a template, what to write in it and what to keep to yourself
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Article updated on 25 September 2026.
A communication book travels with the child from one home to the other. It passes on what the other parent needs to know: a doctor's appointment, homework to hand in, a restless night. Kept well, it saves dozens of messages. Kept badly, it becomes a battleground that the child carries in their bag.
Here is a template, the writing rules that keep it useful, and the limit of the exercise.
A communication book template, section by section
One double page per handover is enough. The parent handing the child over fills it in; the other reads it and replies at the next handover.
Date and handover
- From … to … (with whom)
- Handover time, planned / actual
Health
- Current treatment, dose, times
- Upcoming appointments (date, time, who goes with the child)
- Symptoms to watch for
School and activities
- Homework to hand in, tests, trips needing a signature
- Meetings or messages from the school
- Changed activity times
Daily rhythm
- Sleep, meals, mood, in a few factual words
- What went well
Things that travel
- Clothes, comfort toy, charger, health record book, papers
Questions for the other parent
- One question per line, with the date by which an answer is useful
The other parent's reply
- Reserved for the other parent
Slip prescriptions, notes from school and the activity schedule into the pocket. For holiday dates, our article on school holidays 2026 to 2027 and separated parents gives the official French calendar.
Co-parenting communication guidelines that prevent escalation
The book is read by the other parent, often by the child, and sometimes, later, by a mediator or a judge. Write for all three readers at once.
- Facts, not judgments. "Bedtime 10:30 pm" rather than "you put him to bed far too late".
- One piece of information per line. It can be read, ticked off and not distorted.
- Nothing about the separation itself. Child support, reproaches, a new partner: elsewhere, never in the child's bag.
- Closed questions where possible. "Can you take her to the appointment on the 12th at 5 pm? Yes / no".
- No reply in the heat of the moment. If a line hurts you, reply at the next handover, or not at all.
- The child is not the messenger. The book travels with them, but they should not have to defend it or explain it.
When written exchange is no longer enough, family mediation is designed to restart the dialogue with a third party.
Paper book or app?
Paper has one advantage: it depends on no account, and the child sees it travel. It has two limits: it gets lost, and it exists in only one copy. Co-parenting apps shared between both parents solve loss and timestamping, provided both parents agree to use them.
Either way, photograph the completed pages before the book goes back. A single copy is a copy that can be lost.
What the communication book does not replace
The book is a shared tool: it contains only what both parents can read. But when the separation is high-conflict, there is also what you do not want to write in the child's bag: a lateness that keeps recurring, a call that went unanswered, a handover that went badly. Those facts are noted elsewhere, for yourself, on the same day.
Under French law, the official page What are the means of proof in a civil trial? describes different forms of evidence and the requirements for gathering it fairly. A notebook or dated notes do not guarantee that evidence will be admissible or persuasive. The judge examines how it was obtained. The page also explains that some unfairly obtained evidence may be admitted when indispensable: this does not authorise collecting information without another person's knowledge.
Our guide Keeping a timeline of events explains how to keep this personal journal so that it remains readable months later.
Keeping your own journal with Aridelle
Aridelle is a private journal, not a shared book: no one enters your case file without an invitation created from that case file, for example for your lawyer. Each handover, delay, exchange or appointment becomes a dated fact, with the photo of the book's page, the screenshot of the message or the prescription attached. Opening a case file, recording dated facts in it and attaching documents is free. The assistant that works on the case file is part of the subscription.
Aridelle does not give legal advice. Aridelle does not say what a judge will take from your case file. For your situation, contact a lawyer, a point-justice (free consultations) or a family mediator.
Sources
- Service-public.gouv.fr, What are the means of proof in a civil trial? (F1800), checked on 20 February 2026.
- Our related guides: Keeping a timeline of events · Family mediation · Shared residence.